EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
EZIO AUDITORE DE FIRENZE!
I'm a florentine nobleman from the house of Auditore.
But you, little Dovah, are just a fucked up mystery.
You're nothing but a myth, I'm in the history books.
You hardly ever see my face, but I still have better looks.
You can kill things with your voice, I kill them with my wits.
I hide my daggers up my sleeves cause nothing else fits.
You know what's funny 'bout that? That's what your momma said-a.
And even though she's a dragon she couldn't handle my bacchetta.
Heh, you call yourself an assassin?
I'm the head of the Dark Brotherhood.
Ripping my targets in half, like you only wish you could.
I'm thinking you should cover your face in a hood
I can see that herpes on your face aint looking good.
I should go ahead and warn not to mess with me
'Cuz the Elder Scrolls are books in which I've got your obituary
Altair is the real assassin, you're just a banker wannbe
You shouldn't worry about the Templars, you should be concerned with the economy
The guards all hate you, but you're not the only one
Have you heard the ones from Cyrodiil?
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!
You call yourself a criminal?
You are nowhere near the best.
'Learn to grow a pair of balls'
I bet you never found that quest.
You think the Elder Scrolls know shit?
I've been in hundreds of more battles.
And if you think herpes is bad, I heard a falmer gave you rattles.
If you think our economy's bad, yours is much worse. That's a fact.
You're in a state of civil war thanks to your White-Gold fucking Concordat.
The Dark Brotherhood think they're bad-ass, but your rep' is in the gutter.
You and all you so-called killers are just sick Night Mother-fuckers.
Get out your dictionary,
Because my language varies.
I'm fluent in Dragon, and english,
and nothing scares me.
Because zu'u zor,
and you're a whore.
You were stabbed in the chest but you came back for more.
I saved the world from a dragon
You killed a Pope.
Do you really think that's impressive?
Because I'm thinking... nope.
You best draal that the ved ven
doesn't bring about your end.
I repair my own arsenal, you pay others to mend
Your pitiful weaponry
You'll never get the best of me
With your puny hidden blade
that matches your sexual identity.
So I dare you to keep on talking smack,
And I'll beat your ass with my Wabbajack.
I'm a master of sneaking, you have 1 pitiful disguise
Look, someone recognized your hood
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY